We are still in our little two bedroom, furnished apartment. NO LONGER FUN. As I went to the house under construction to meet yet one more sub, I must confess I was NOT FEELING IT. The words running through my mind were not positive, chipper words. NOPE. I was having one of my “I am DONE” conversations. Done walking the dogs, who are done being tethered to a leash. Done trying to get laundry done with no place to fold, iron or store. Done trying to plan meals using an apartment size refrigerator, electric cook-top and borrowed pans. Done with the soft, too small mattress I am sharing with my husband. You get it. Just DONE. Then I pulled up to a house almost complete. I thought to myself, “We are so close, and yet so far.” The muscles in my neck tightened, my grip on the steering wheel began to turn my knuckles white, and my right leg began to twitch. In that moment I stopped. I knew I needed a moment. A moment to stop and breathe, to collect my thoughts and reign in my little pity party. What did I have to be so “DONE” with? Here I sat in front of a new home. A home my family has spent a year planning and 4 months tending to. A home where we have already begun to envision family, friends and strangers being served and entertained. A home in a new neighborhood full of new friends to be and new opportunities. So I decided to stop and utter up a word of thanksgiving and ask God to breathe new words into my mind, to refresh my spirit. I just sat, in the quiet of my car looking at the house under construction. In those minutes God reminded me of two things:
1. Quit striving. Over and over this past year God has convicted me and disciplined me regarding my tendency to strive. He reminded me I need to enjoy the process, the journey and conserve my energy. Striving does nothing but deplete me of my energy and deprive Him the opportunity to carry out His works in His might.
2. I too am under construction. Under construction is the only way I can be on this world. Completion only occurs when Christ takes me home.
Talk about a change in perspective and attitude. By the time I got out of the car, I had a new outlook. Yes, my house is still under construction. So much is done, yet all around lies dirt, trash, and so much more to be done. The big things are complete, but all those details that bring the house to life, are just being installed. They take time. They must be done in specific order. The house won’t be perfect, either due to budget constraints or human error. And, that’s OK. As I walked around each room checking on installation, taking measurements and just stepping back to look at the progress I could not help but think of His words whispered so quietly in the solitude of my car, “You too sweet daughter are under construction.” I had to smile as I thought of my Heavenly Father looking down on me. Oh the mess He must see: the discarded baggage; the piles of tears and disappointments. Yet at the same time I know He sees beauty. He sees the laugh lines engraved upon my face from those just right moments with family and friends. He sees the freckles upon my arms and face from days spent playing in the sun. He sees the frayed finger nails from scrubbing toilets and washing dishes all out of love for those residing in my home or visiting. He sees the readers perched on nose’s end as a result of late night and early morning reading, letting the encouragement of another’s prose sink in or His words come to life. Yes, I am under construction. I am so close, and yet so far. I have grown, some big things have been worked out and worked through, but I’ve still got a ways to go.
My house will be completed. Turning it into a home will take years to come. Hopefully my journey to completion will take years to come.
Here are a few shots of the new home for those of you who have asked to see a few shots. In the months ahead I have no doubt I’ll be asking for some advice on decorating.